Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
