you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize