I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
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Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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