Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
