You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
