Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
