Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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