Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
