that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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