Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
