yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
smell my finger.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
