whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
