Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
