remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
