It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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