At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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