I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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