I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
