I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
