Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
