4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
