and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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