I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
