Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
