im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
