And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
