dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
