my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am available for nakedness
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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