can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
