I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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