Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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