it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
