I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
