just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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