i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize