I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
