Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
