The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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