I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
