what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
