I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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