tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
