Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize