just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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