we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
