At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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