I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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