I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so let's talk penis.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
