Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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