I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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