After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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