How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
