Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
