maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
