I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize