If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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