do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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