Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
