I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
