how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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