happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize