u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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