it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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