wat bout pragnant strippers??
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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