I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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