U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I love having hate sex.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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