Whod you bang
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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