Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
