I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
