I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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