saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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