you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
